Kenner RGB Firehouse Headquarters

This is a big one for me.

Let's take a little trip back to 1989. I would tell you to close your eyes, but then you wouldn't be able to read any of this. Then again, I'm not too terribly sure that anybody does anyways.

It's quite possibly fall of 1989. We were living in a small town in Nebraska, which we would soon escape with a move to the capital city, which isn't any better. Think of it as just a bigger trailer trash population.;

We take a visit to the "big town" for reasons that I honestly do not recall. I'm pretty positive that we had lunch at Burger King because our crappy little town didn't have one yet at that point.

After our lunch that may or may not have happened at Burger King, we stopped into Target, which our crappy town also didn't have!

As we browsed the toy aisles, looking at glorious 80's toy after 80's toy on the pegs, we rounded a corner and on an end cap was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my entire life.

Yes, a Ghostbusters Firehouse playset.

I begged. I begged HARD.

Surely my parents would just go ahead and snatch that shit up and throw it in the cart, right?

Yeah, no such luck.

I had no real grasp of what money even was, other than the change I had in my piggy bank. I didn't even know what it was used for, other than making a wonderful clanking noise that surely annoyed anybody that came within 14 miles of our house.

With no luck of the "Get Mr. Ghostbuster a Firehouse" front, I begrudgingly settled for a Power Pack Heroes Louis Tully figure. I suppose now I could at least say I left with something Ghostbusters, but at this point, once you have seen the holy grail, trinkets don't hold much appeal.

Christmas approached. It approached faster than I could have ever imagined it would, but I was also 4, and had no concept of time either.

We had made our visit to see Santa Claus, where I was quick to let the fat bastard know that a Ghostbusters Firehouse was the ONLY thing that could possibly make Christmas right for me that year. Mario pajamas were not in my wheelhouse, Lego blocks wouldn't do, and TMNT stuff would only lead to larger Ghostbusters cravings. And let's be honest, it was 1989, the last year in the best pop culture decade known to man. How could I say goodbye to the greatest decade in the history of the world if I had homeless Ghostbusters figures?

Christmas morning soon arrived. There just HAD to be a Ghostbusters Firehouse in there for me somewhere. This was going to be my big day, the day that my Ghostbusters figures would move in to their new home and establish a permanent residence while operating the greatest business in the entire world!

Present after present was opened. Mario pajamas, Lego blocks, TMNT stuff, all there and accounted for. Finally, after all was said and done, and the magic of presents under the tree wore off, I looked around and said, "well, I guess no Ghostbusters Firehouse for me this time..." to which my Dad replied, "Santa must have run out of them."

No, truth be told, Santa's elves didn't work hard enough to fulfill my wish list. Had they not taken so many smoke and coffee breaks, they could have easily boxed up a Firehouse and had it delivered while I slept on December 24th, 1989.

What seemed like an eternity later, I finally got one. I'm not sure how long it was after Christmas, but I got it. At least good ol' Dad made it right where Santa had brutally screwed me over.

All these years later, I still give them shit about not getting one for Christmas that year. Mom could never remember why I didn't get one, but Dad says it's because nobody had any. Apparently they were a pretty hot item that year, which matches up to the story I was told by the guy I bought my can of Ecto-Plasm from. He said his mother drove all the way down to Missouri on Christmas Eve of that year to get him one.

Sir, you made out better than me.

Memories aside, this really is an awesome toy.

The front of the firehouse let's us all no that this is unmistakably the Ghostbusters headquarters. The color scheme is quite different from the movie and cartoon series, but overall not terrible. It does a nice job of fitting in well with the rest of the toy line.

The big red doors both open up and have just enough room to house the Ecto-1 if and only if you remove the seat on the top of the car, otherwise it's too tall to fit inside.

The inside bugs me a little bit, and keep in mind, this is my OCD coming out.

Okay, main level, enough room for the Ecto-1 sans chair on top. Awesome. But the real question is, how in the world are the Ghostbusters supposed to get up to the second and third floors? Should they just magically sprout a set of wings and learn to fly up?

This has always been the big thing that bothered me about the Firehouse. Sure, it's a toy, it doesn't have to make sense at all, that is where the imagination of a child comes in, but for the lover of everything good, why could Kenner not put in a simple little stair case to shut people like me up?

One neat thing though is the pole. You simply put your figures on it via the pegs that fit into the bottom of their feet and watch them spin down on the red platform, just be careful when they finally land, and there is no way in hell that they wouldn't be spewing chunks everywhere.

The Firehouse also came with a can of Ecto-Plazm, which could be poured into the grate on top of the building and onto a figure. Never really got to try that feature since my parents were beyond anal about that shit getting into the carpet. So we'll just pretend I did, and it rocked.

Kenner also did us a big time solid and gave us the Containment Unit to go along with the Firehouse. My only issue, again nerdy OCD, is that you couldn't really store it inside on the building, and there was no basement, so it basically had to sit outside of the Firehouse while you created your own ghost-busting adventures.

Again,. not a big deal, I'm just cranky.

The top portion of the Containment Unit let you put in a ghost figure that would have been packed in with one of your Ghostbusters. Most of them fit well in there, but some did not at all. If you aim for anything from the first series to the Fright Features series, you're sitting pretty good.

Once your ghost was inserted, you slide the top portion over and it deposits the spook into his permanent home in ghost world.

Pretty simple, but there is too much awesome not to mention.

All in all, the Real Ghostbusters Firehouse playset was a good one. Not really anything to break on it other than the front doors, and not a millions small parts and pieces to lose.

Simple, yet effective.

Marshmallow Mess Ray Stantz!

For everything Matty Collector did wrong with the Ghostbusters figures, Big Lots did something right.

About a year ago they caused a massive ruckus when they began selling off some of Matty's overstock of Ghostbusters. It started with the 12 inch doll sets from GB2 and spilled over into the 6 inch figures.

In order to keep the Ghostbusters at my local Big Lots safe from Ebay dealers, I bought up every single one I could find. Does that make me a douche? Couldn't care less. I cherish each and every single one of them that I have.

And if you really needed to know, I have 11 of these Marshmallow Mess Ray figures.

Big Lots got their shipment in shortly before Christmas of last year. 11 of them to be exact.

I rushed in and bought a few, all while strategically hiding the rest of them. I mean, come on, this was on super secret lockdown that they even had these, I couldn't let Ebay scalpers get ahold of them.

Little by little, I ended up with 10 of them.

 One night my best friend got ahold of me and was really excited. He had gone to Big Lots and found the only Marshmallow Mess Ray in stock. I must have left one behind. He bought it thinking that he had come across some type of rare sunken treaure, akin to the Shankara Stones in the Temple of Doom.

Yeah, he was a little disappointed when he found out that I had already bought the other 10, but hey, at least he found me the 11th!

Grown men like me who have a 12 year old's brain would probably be quick to dub the figure Bukkake Ray, because, well, it's obvious.

Gangbang Marshmallow Mess Ray comes equipped with only the finest of ghost busting equipment such as his proton pack (with a beam that glows in the dark!), Ecto-Goggles, and walkie talkie.

While some rip on the Matty Collector figures, I can't say that I hate them. They certainly did a great job capturing the likeness of Dan Aykroyd. There have been worse attempts.

And, of course, who could forget that Ray is covered in melted marshmallow goop?

Ray also comes with a no-ghost logo display base, which, in a nice touch of detail, is also covered in spunk marshmallow goop.

And of course, the back of the card has the ridiculous profile on Dr. Raymond Stantz. I'm not even sure the Ghostbusters would keep profiles of their employess, especially one of the owners. Weird, but whatever I guess.

Again, don't get me wrong, there were dozens of things I disliked about the Matty Ghostbusters, mainly the way sales were handled and the way items were priced, but luckily for us real fans that didn't want to just take one for the team, Big Lots was able to offer our wallets a little bit of relief, even if my local Big Lots employees are dicks.

Kenner RGB Neutrona Blaster!!

Kenner's Real Ghostbusters Neutrona Blaster was among the sillier, less practical pieces of ghost catching equipment.

The premise of the toy is that it was a big, awkward neutrona wand that was powered by turning a knob over and over and over..........

And over and over and over.....you get the point.

On the other end of all the knob turning, a bright green chunk of foam that flops around  more than a double sided dildo spins out of control in a giant circle.

I suppose the folks at Kenner thought it would be a wonderful idea to wiggle the shit out of a ghost.

Let's totally rethink the concept of the toy shall we?

Sure, we can make all of the wiggle the shit out of a ghost theories all we want, but perhaps it's actually a very smart and super practical piece of equipment.

Let's say that you're on a call and your Proton Pack ceases to function. You're practically screwed. There is no way now that you will ever be able to trap that class 5.

Suddenly you remember that you have that new, experimental piece of equipment in the Ectomobile. One that requires no charge and runs solely by a hand crank.

It's a stretch, but it just might save your neck this time.

You run and grab the Neutrona Blaster, crank the shit out of it, catch the ghost in your dildo beam, mae it super dizzy by spinning it around in a giant circle over and over again, and throw out the trap, as it drunkenly falls right in. 

Or, you could just wiggle the shit out of it with your bright green dildo.

Kenner's Real Ghostbusters Proton Pack -- Weekly Post 7-7-14

Ah, the Proton Pack.

Kenner had all of us children of the 80's in mind when they decided to build us our very own unlicensed nuclear accelerators didn't they?

I can remember my fourth birthday creeping up fast, and all I wanted, more than anything else in the world, was a Proton Pack. I did indeed get one for my birthday. It was without a doubt the best birthday I have ever had. No milestone of chronological advancement has ever lived up to the four year mark, and none likely ever will.

The Proton Pack itself is, to my 28 year old self, a little unimpressive. I have tried to put myself back into my four year old state of mind, telling myself that I own the greatest thing ever in the whole wide world, but I just happen to own something cool. Yeah, cool. Not the greatest thing known to man. Just.....cool.

Where I think Kenner went wrong was the fact that they just molded us a big, hollow chunk of blue plastic. Yeah, nothing special now, huh?

I think that even with 1980's toy making technology, they could have very easily given us a pack with a couple of lights, or maybe a few sounds.

I do get where this wouldn't exactly work. For a small child, a pack filled with electrical components and battery packs could be too heavy,but what about the gun?

The wand is rather impressive, I must admit.

 Pretty detailed for just being a chunk of plastic. The only things that I wish were different would be buttons that function, even if they don't make noise, just moveable buttons. I have no idea why I want them, but I do. And maybe replace the orange button that gives us that weird grinding siren noise with something more electronic.

The only other real gripe I have with the pack is that the hose almost never stayed connected to the pack, as it was nothing more than a cheap yellow hose that slid on to a tab at the bottom.

No, I know you are thinking that I've done nothing but bitch and complain about the toy, but there are actually things to love about it.

Despite it's flaws, this was actually one of the ultimate toys for a child to own in the 80's.

 You weren't a badass until you roamed your neighborhood (or bedroom in my case since I never had friends) busting ghosts. I always preferred to use it without the long foam piece shoved inside of the neutrona wand. I guess I just had a good imagination or something.

I also love the fact that the toy also came with a PKE meter and No-Ghost logo arm band. The PKE meter being the better thing out of the two since after I hit about age 6, the thing didn't fit around my arm anymore, and wearing it around my wrist just looked stupid.

For a child in the 80's, it didn't get much better than this. The moment you strapped this bad boy on, you felt like a legit Ghostbuster, and really, that's all most of us ever wanted.